Stream of Consciousness: Moments

 

We all have moments. Life is made of them. Some days we have a lot of memorable moments. Some days we have none. There are moments we remember for years. And moments that immediately fade into history. It is very rare for someone to not have moments. But just as rare is someone who changes because of their moments. Many moments are meant to change us. We look at something beautiful and think that life should change. It doesn’t. We look at something inspirational and feel ready to conquer the world. No conquering is done. These moments can occur continuously. They can lead to resignation and pessimism. That the world is out for blood. That people are full of hate. That it is impossible to achieve anything, The moments that seemed so inspirational have now become a reminder that dreams are meant to die. That life is a series of unfortunate events. That Deadpool had it right when he stated
“Life is full of shit with little moments of bliss in between.”

I had such a moment in Sydney, Australia. It was not a big moment, rather a moment of beauty. As I walked towards nothing after eating at a delightful vegan restaurant, I ended up watching the hustle and bustle of beautiful people clamoring towards the Opera House in the distance. Dressed to impress and laughing voraciously, each person seemed filled with exuberance. Asian tourists were taking photos, cute blondes were pounding wine, and machismo men were sipping beers. I looked up and scanned the horizon, taking in the beautifully lit Opera House. Turning left I saw the faint Harbor Bridge and the scarily bright Luna Park. Directly under me was a waterfront bar and grill and even more people having the time of their life. Maybe it was because I had been alone the entire day. But I had one of those moments where I realized that

I wanted to make travel the most significant part of my life. 
I needed a way to make money. Whatever this was, I needed to figure it out quickly. My bank accounts were starting to drain quickly.
In the end, I didn't just want to travel frugally. I wanted to travel and experience both sides. Partially for the understanding of how all sides work. And also because being rich just sounds like a party.
I am genuinely happy where I am right now. I am doing exactly what I would want to be doing if I asked myself what I could be doing with my life at this moment


My life is far from perfect. I have no job. I have no girlfriend. I have less money now than I did in High School. But I also have a lot of things. The ability to travel to 5 countries in 2 months. Parents who continually care about me and message me. Happiness. Which sounds cliche, temporary, and boring. But I am much happier now than I was a year ago when I had a job, a girlfriend, and tons of money in the bank (for me.) It wasn’t because of what I had or where I was. It is because of who I was. I had moments but refused to let them change me. I had ideas but refused to carry them out. I talked a big game and carried a tiny stick. It is easy to say that travel changes a person, and I believe that is true. But what travel really does it push you outside of your comfort zone. Refuses to let you be complacent. Especially when you travel without money or friends. Eating alone tends to be the norm. You appreciate when someone hosts you for free. You learn to expect nothing and be just a little bit more self reliant. I’m not convinced that these values stick without constant practicing, so maybe I shouldn’t be rich. I don’t know, it still sounds nice. Either way, this moment is over. On to the next one.