Being Elsewhere

I'm somewhere else. I've been in the mountains for the last few months. My mind has been in the sky, sucking up that arid and lacking southwestern air. Every opportunity I get and my eyes flip to the mountains. I do a sort of channel surfing through the repository of images in my head and stick to one. I imagine running up the mountain, scrambling up fields of scree and clipping in to rocks while only being held up by ropes I tied with my own hands.

It's difficult being in a different place for so long. Being split in two and occupying two spaces at the same time. But rather than the exhilarating roar of a sudden passion and the accompanying crash into the past, this time I feel a slow hum. Even when I am not actively thinking and dreaming I can feel landscapes drift through and flutter out. My legs transport me to another space when I walk and my eyes glaze over into a dream; but the gaze of the dream stays fixed and rooted, passionate and present. Maybe not present in the way that I notice what is going on outside of me, but I fully know every tick that happens inside.

The hum grows every day. It is like moving toward a waterfall. There is no containing the excitement and beauty that I already live with every single moment. I imagine this is how and druggie at the height of ecstasy must feel. Alive and free and ready and calm. I am anxious but know that I will end up where I need to be, regardless of whether or not I make the right decisions.  I know this because I don't have to work at it. I am never struggling to maintain this passion because it seems to maintain me, even the idea of the dirt and rock and sand and stars.

I sit in my dark room and close my eyes and see the Milky Way and the breath of wind still hot from the scorching sun. I drift into a sleep and awake the next day, dreaming about boiling water from a small stove over a tight fire and hand grinding my coffee beans and pouring my coffee into a titanium mug. I live in this other world, the one I will be in soon, and yet I feel fully present in the one I am in, because they are both the same.